Solo travelling - what I love (and hate) about going it alone
Real shit, real challenges, real escape!
I love solo travelling. I love the freedom. I love the adventure, and the feeling of escaping. I truly love the beauty of being alone and experiencing things alone. I know many people feel the opposite because they are accustomed to wanting to share things, whether that be with a partner, their family and friends or on social media - hey look at me and what I did! And then there’s the modern adage—did it really happen if no one saw it or there is no pic? Is it even worth it if you cannot share it? For me, the answer is yes. Yes it’s worth it. Anything that makes you happy is worth it, even alone. The question I ask myself is this, will I regret it when I die? Will I regret the solo trip or not going at all? The answer to this is pretty straightforward for me. I will regret not going at all. I will regret being too scared to go. I will regret not giving my future selves something to dream about at night.
I used to share my travels on social media, but I don’t anymore. Some people would tell me I was brave or courageous for going it alone. I still get that today. Others would say it was sad that I had no one to share my adventures with or question my happiness in being alone. Obviously they did not know me very well if they thought I was unhappy alone, being alone is literally my greatest joy in life. The truth is that these days I don’t want to share my adventures on social media. I will write about them here and I will talk about them, actually let’s be more truthful here and say I will enthusiastically rave about them with my closest friends and family, but my adventures and my memories are for me and I love this for me. I love having something that is mine to have and to hold, to share with whom I want to, not the entire world. This is the life I want to live. This is the life that makes me happy and I don’t need to share it with everyone for it to be a valid life to live. Memories are a fantastic gift and I’m very grateful that I have so many of them.
There’s one image in particular that I think about all the time. I wish I could capture it in a painting or some sort of digital visual. When I was in China and had travelled out to the villages to stay a week each first with my friend’s family and then her husband’s, I was left with a vivid image of her husband’s grandmother at the markets as we were leaving on a minibus. Sitting up the back of the minibus all three of us turned around to wave out the window. She was standing there motionless in the rain wearing a see-through poncho and holding a blue umbrella with a lively buzz of activity going on around her that, in my memory, seems to be moving at 5x speed while she stands still. As we pulled away she raised her hand to wave goodbye with a deeply sad expression on her face. I can see it clear as day and never would have captured the emotion I feel when remembering that moment if I had managed to take a photo. Plus, being 1999, that photo would be blurry and out of focus anyway! I always wonder if that was the last time she ever saw her grandson, she was in her late 80s after all.
I’ve had some great pot luck whilst travelling solo. I’ve met up with people who have made my adventures more exciting, or told me about hidden gems and places to visit that I might not have seen otherwise. I’ve befriended locals and been invited to share homecooked meals or taken on spontaneous tours at no cost. I’ve jumped in cars with other solo adventurers and changed course on a whim because I could, because I was solo and didn’t have to consider others or the consequences of change. I’ve made friends for life. But solo travel is not all champagne and roses. There are days when nothing goes to plan. Everyone has them. I’ve been robbed on trains in Europe while asleep. I’ve lost my glasses in Spain and walked around with blurry vision for a week or two. I’ve missed buses and trains and had to reschedule while trying to speak a foreign language. I’ve also learnt a lot about myself while travelling solo and this is the best thing of all. The quote below from this previous post is very apt.
But I also love the challenge of solo travel and the way it increases my knowledge, encourages me to think outside the box, and instil a sense of confidence that amazes me time and time again. Admittedly there are days when I cry, struggle to get motivated to do anything, but the best thing is the reflection on all of that when you get home and how you just did it, you made it, you pushed through and you succeeded. For that I am extremely grateful to be able to travel solo and learn about myself in a way that is not possible in group travel situations.
There are challenges for solos that just don’t exist when you’re travelling with a partner or group and there are days when you just want the comfort of your own bed. This can deter the most seasoned solo traveller, even on a good day. The struggle to get good accommodation or group travel at a reasonable price, the single supplement is a nightmare, who invented that? A couple? Why can’t I just book a regular room at the same price or less? Why is it more? The fear of entering a restaurant alone — table for one please? Or perhaps the online booking systems that default to two persons. No I don’t want two tickets on the ferry or to the show, thank you very much!
While I’ve ventured into many restaurants solo over the years, beginning on work trips when I basically had to because there was no room service available, there’s a certain accomplishment when one gets over the initial fear of sitting down to eat alone. I used to take a book, or spend a lot of time on my phone doom scrolling, checking out locals on Tinder and posting Instagram pictures. These days I’ve become a lot more comfortable with being uncomfortable and just try to exist in the moment. I will ask for a table in the middle or near a window so I can scan the room. I will make eye contact and smile with those who stare at me and, trust me, many people feel more uncomfortable in my solo presence than I do in their coupledom. Some of the conversations I overhear are fascinating, I’ve literally laughed out loud at what I’ve overheard. Am I a threat to married women — only if you think I am. I’m not there to steal your husband Brenda, I’m there to eat! There’s always glances over to me during a meal and whispered conversation. I smile every time. They watch what I eat and what I drink. I don’t let it bother me, who cares if they’re talking about me, it’s none of my business what they say about me. They really don’t know what I’m thinking about them after all. It’s a fascinating experience in human nature and how most people do not like to be alone in any circumstances. Many times the wait staff will strike up a conversation and offer advice on wine and meals or local travel tips and places to visit.
One of the best things about solo travel is quite literally skipping the queue or getting something cheaper because you are on your own. Disneyland in Anaheim has a single riders queue for many of the rides. Meaning if you’re going on the ride solo, you skip the big queue and they will put you in with others who have an odd number group of three or five rather than wasting a seat. Once in Port Douglas, in northern Queensland, Australia, I phoned a helicopter place to book a flight over the Great Barrier Reef. On first enquiry they didn’t have any places for the days I was in town, so I skipped the flight and thought I’d do it next time I was there. It was no great loss I was going out on a snorkelling tour anyway. The next day they phoned me and offered me a 50% discount to fill a spare seat. The catch? I had to be there in half an hour. I paid over the phone and with no other immediate plans (the snorkelling trip was booked for the following day), I was there in time for the safety briefing and away we went.
I consider myself lucky I’ve never encountered anything extreme. I’ve never lost my passport. I’ve never been injured overseas. I’ve never missed a flight. I’ve never experienced a natural disaster. I’ve never been sexually assaulted or raped. I’ve never encountered terrorism or hijackings. I think that is real lucky in this modern world and I will be forever grateful if none of that afflicts me in my future travels. I do pick and choose the places I go. If I think it is not safe to go alone, I won’t. That’s what group travel is for. But setting adventures and challenging myself with solo travel is a lifestyle I won’t be changing anytime soon, even if it can be real shit at times and I spend the day bawling my eyes out!
The good times really do outweigh the bad and the feeling of accomplishment when getting through a rough patch is a priceless boost to your own confidence and self-esteem. Hang in there because you really will enjoy the challenge, even if there is no champagne or roses in sight!
If you want to read more about my solo life and how I got here this is for you:
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